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I’ve Got a Bad Case of Mommy Guilt

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I have been a working mother the whole time I have been a mother.  My ex-husband is an actor (incredibly talented – and finally getting some long-awaited recognition), so our family needed the steady income…not to mention the health insurance.  He did (and still does) a great job of caring for them.  And now that my mother is retired, she certainly picks up a lot of the slack.  But they aren’t ME.  They aren’t the MOMMY.  So, I am used to having a small amount of Mommy Guilt  – not too bad since I have been fortunate enough to have The Monkeys attend the elementary school where I teach.

Today, though, I have really felt it.

The Boy Monkeys are both sick.  Really sick.  It started with Monkey #1.  He missed school Monday (and Tuesday).  Bad cough and fever.  Poor thing had to miss an overnight field trip with his middle school “team.”  But, luckily his father didn’t have a job yesterday and took good care of him.  I felt some guilt at not being able to be with him – but it was manageable.  Today, it was Monkey #2 to get sick.  Another bad cough.  And whenever he gets sick, it flips into his lungs.  Again, their father was able to care for them…but it wasn’t ME.

I feel as if I chose school over my Monkeys.

Now, I am not one of those women who feels like I am the only one who can take care of my children.  I know that their father can be a very nurturing parent – and he will cater to their every while-they-are-sick whims.  But, I can’t help but feel like I chose to take care of 31 other parents’ children instead of my own.

I know the Monkeys don’t feel that way.  I know they know I am always there for them – and if not physically, definitely emotionally.  I know The Boy Monkeys are probably not sitting at their father’s saying, “I want my mommy.”

Maybe the problem is that I wish they WERE.  Maybe I wish they were saying, “Hey, Mom, please come take care of us like only you can.”

So, this Mommy Guilt I am feeling is the WORST kind… self-imposed.  No one else is making me feel guilty.  I am.  If it were coming from someone else, I would get angry.  But, from inside, it becomes all I can think about.  It becomes hard to do everything else I need to do when all I really want to do is go take care of my Sick Little Monkeys.  I worry about them, because I can’t see for myself how they are doing.

This is when reality and my own mind have an epic battle and I have to just let reality win.  But, that is really hard for me.  REALLY hard.

Poor Little Monkeys.  Poor Mommy Monkey.

Daily Prompt: Deja Vu.

 

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About Susan D.

Single mother of three. Teacher. Amateur Jewelry Designer. Singer. Hack writer. Trying to keep sane - as well as I can.

3 responses »

  1. Pingback: Déjà Vu By Another Name | The Jittery Goat

  2. Pingback: Deja Vu – A Daily Prompt Post | Edward Hotspur

  3. Pingback: Deja Vu | Yes, It has happened before | Bullets & Dreams

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