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Monthly Archives: September 2013

Daily Prompt: Name that… You!


Daily Prompt: Name that… You!.

My name.

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with it my whole life.

I have never really felt like a “Susan,” whatever that should feel like.

I guess I just always felt it to be an old-fashioned, plain name.  And I’ve never really felt “old-fashioned.”  As a child I certainly felt plain…but DEFINITELY not now.  Now, I am sassy and fabulous.

I do not know where my parents came up with the name Susan.  My hunch is that I was named for my father’s best friend’s wife.  Both of my parents deny it.  I don’t believe them.

Susan comes from the Hebrew, Shoshana, meaning “graceful lily.”  Ok.  Well, I danced for about 19 years, so I could see the graceful thing.  But, there is no way my parents would have known that as I was but a wee little 6 pound, 11 ounce baby lying in my hospital bed.

My middle name is Katharine.  It came from my mother. It  was her name, and the name of her German grandmother.  There was never any doubt in my mother’s mind that her baby girl would carry the name.

Katharine comes from the Greek, Aikaterine or katharos, meaning pure.

So, when you put the meanings of my name together it is “a graceful lily that is pure.”

I kinda like that.  THAT sounds poetic and lovely.

In light of that, henceforth I shall be called, Pure Graceful Lily.

Oh sure, it’s a bit of a mouthful, but it’s my name and I can do what I want to with it.  And why shouldn’t my name be as fabulous as the wonder that is me?

I think so!

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The Most Terrifying Words in the English Language


I have just discovered the nine most terrifying words in the English language…

“I should send you the link to my blog”

I guess I should clarify that.  Those are the nine most terrifying words in the English language when spoken to someone you are getting to know,

Particularly with my blog.

As we have discussed before, dear readers, my blog was formed almost a year ago as a way for me to express all those things going through my head after my break-up with my former love.  In the year since, it has become an outlet – a sort of therapy session.  I will write about just about anything that pops into my head.  And honestly, that is how I write – it just pops in there.

I have shared my inner most pain.  I have bared my soul to all of you.  None of what I have written has been fiction.  Everything has been based on the reality that is my life.

Some of you only know me through my writings.  Some of you have known me for years.  And I am glad I have affected you all in some way.

But, there is something about sending someone new – where we are still “feeling each other out” – over to read my random musings.

The words were out of my mouth (or in this case, off my fingers, as it was written in a text) before I knew what I was doing.  And once I had sent the link, suddenly, I felt naked.  I had just given access to all my innermost thoughts and fears and anger and pain to someone I haven’t even MET yet.  Oy.

You may ask, why am I able to throw these words out into cyberspace and not have a neurotic panic attack?  Hells if I know.  But, I do know that the anger and the pain don’t  fester in my heart any longer.   And yes, it has been because I have had a place to put it all.

I guess all I can do it breathe, and hope that I don’t come off as TOO crazy.

Just the right amount of crazy.

Absolution


I harbored the pain
Inside my heart
Allowing it to grow –
to fester –
Until it consumed my soul.
Unwilling to permit it to ebb
Forcing it to flow once again
Until it drowned my thoughts.

Releasing the pain meant –
Releasing you,
Releasing us,
Releasing what we were,
Releasing what we were to be.

Releasing my pain meant –
Releasing you,
Releasing your guilt,
For what we never would be again.

My pain –
Your guilt –
Became our life line
Keeping us tethered
Unable to rejoin the past,
Yet
Unable to move forward.

Only in allowing the pain to ebb –
Only in severing the bond –
Only in releasing you –
Can true healing come.

So-
I offer you forgiveness
For my pain.
I offer you freedom
From our ties.
I offer you absolution
From your guilt.
And the peace that can only come
From
Release.