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Inner Space

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Daily Prompt: Personal Space.

To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?

My dear readers, I want you to know I love and appreciate each and every one of you.  And no, I am not just saying that so soften you up for what I am about to say.  I’m just not that kind of girl.

But, this is not about you.  It is about me.  This blog was established as an outlet for my thoughts and creativity.  Ok.  Mostly for my thoughts.  And while I am happy that my writings have struck a chord with you, I write what I write for me.  Well that, and to send cryptic messages to a certain person – and you know who you are.  😉

I kid.  I’m a kidder.

Don’t get me wrong, I am THRILLED to have you follow me.  And yes, there are times when I will repeatedly hit the refresh button to update my stats like a metaphorical crack pipe.  But, I also know, my dear dear 84 followers (not counting my Facebook friends) is a tiny small compared to others.  However, I do get a big ol’ smile on my face when I get a new follower.   I also know that while my 115 top views day is a drop in the bucket for some of you, it made me feel a little giddy to reach “double digits.”  Don’t even get me started on following the world map to see where my readers are from!  I’ve had to look up some of the countries!  But, I get a little sense of awe when I see how far flung some y’all are!

And while it might be pretty cool to have my readership soar, it is also a little daunting.  I am a bit of a people pleaser.  I am afraid I would be so much pressure to feel as if I needed to please so many people!  What if I hurt someone’s feelings with something I’ve said(which trust me – I have managed to do)?  What if people don’t like what I have to say?  What if I can’t think of anything to say?  OH NO!!!!  Get me a Xanax, here comes a panic attack!

Is it just me, or have a been a little more ramblier than usual?  Me thinks so…

So, hugs and kisses to each of you who read me.  Thank you for stepping into my world.  But, know that I’m gonna write whatever I’m gonna write.  Who knows what it might actually be?!

Another F@#$ing Blog?!? WHY?!!!???!!!!

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Why do you blog?

Daily Prompt: Million-Dollar Question.

Yes, I am fully aware this is a reaaaaallllllyyyyyy old daily prompt.  But, it was posted during my self-imposed radio silence – so, I am just now getting to it.

I have been blogging for somewhere around seven months. I began shortly after the demise of my relationship with the man I had believed would be my happily ever after.   I felt I needed an outlet for all the random crap running through my head.

Well, that, AND I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea.  I tend to say whatever comes to mind – and I suddenly found myself without someone with which to share my pithy pearls of wisdom.  So, why not unleash them upon the unsuspecting public? (cue evil laugh…)  MMMMWWWWWAAAAHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I had initially intended on blogging about life in general.  But, as you can see, I am all over the freakin’ place!  A little bit about teaching.  A little bit about motherhood.  A little bit about lost love.  A little bit of poetry.  A little bit of everything under the sun!  I’m not overly surprised though.  That’s pretty much how my brain works.  Damn ADHD…

So, you dear reader, get a little bit of whatever pops into my swirly little brain.  All I can hope for it that it at least OCCASIONALLY it makes sense!

Smooches to you all!


On Blogging

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winding road

I have come to love blogging.  Truly love it.

I love that it gives me a chance to write.  I wasn’t always a writer.  Or, at least I didn’t think I was.  I never really liked writing fiction.  And non-fiction?  Oy.  All those research papers were just tedious.  My ADHD made it REALLY hard to focus on the topic.  REALLY hard. All those notecards and outlines.  UGH.   But, I could always manage to pull something brilliant out of my butt and get a fairly decent grade.

What I did enjoy was writing little snippets about things in my life  – whenever those little snippets struck me.  Little poems.  Or pieces of poetic prose.  And while I had a feeling they were pretty good, I didn’t have an organized place to put them.  I have little scraps of paper lying around where I jotted down ideas.

And friends did always say I always knew just the right thing to say – and MAN, could I work a metaphor.

That is where blogging comes in.  It became the perfect place for me to write.

I look at other people’s blogs and I notice how FOCUSED they are.  Their blogs have a theme!  Blogs on poetry.  Blogs on family.  Blogs on fashion.  Blogs on mental-health.  Blogs on music.  Bogs on education.  Pretty well focused on a single topic.

And then I look at mine.  The posts are all over the place!  I’ve got a little bit of everything!  No focus.  Just like that picture above.  Wandering.  And I begin to think maybe I need to have a bit more of a point!

But, I realize that rambling road is like my mind.  All over the place!  I am not very single focused.  Not one little bit.

I guess that is my theme then.  Literally the rambling musings of my mind.  After all, it isn’t about the directness of the path, it’s about the destination.

Like the Beatles said, “It’s the long and winding road, that leads me back, to your door.”  And I am glad my winding road leads me to your door.

It’s a Matter of Trust

Monkey # 1 is fascinated with the fact I am blogging.  He actually has said, “I can’t believe my mom has a blog!  How cool!”  Nice to know I am still considered cool by my almost 13-year-old.  I know the end is near for that.

The other night he came to me and told me he wanted to start one as well.  Being the ultimate cool mom, I set him up with one.

Today he is working on his first post.  He came to me for some “technical advice.”  I showed him what he needed.  Then I asked him what the theme of his blog would be.  He simply replied, “Life.  My thoughts.  You know.  Stuff.”  Before he left my room, I said to him, “When you have posted it, let me know.  I’d like to follow it.”

He just nodded his head in his little Asperger-y way and said, “Ok.”  And he turned to leave.

It made me think about why I started this blog.  I started it to get some things out of my mind.   I started it to throw private thoughts out in to the universe.  And I know there are some things that I have posted that are “personal.”  Things that I wouldn’t want to censor, just because of who might be reading.  So, I rethought my statement.

I called him back to me and said, “Scratch that.  I trust you.  You can share with me what you want to share.  And if you don’t, that’s ok.”

I realize that most parents of teenagers would question my sanity.  And believe me when I say I doubt mine every day.  But, like with most things I do, I have a pretty good reason.  In this case it is his Asperger’s.  This kid isn’t like most just about to be teens.  He is an old soul.  And because of the Asperger’s, he is incredibly rules bound.  And he tells the truth – always.  And I know that if I set parameters for him, he will follow them.  This is the kid who has been known to walk up to kids at school that he has heard using very inappropriate language for a middle schooler, and inform them thusly.   Which then creates a new rule, “Leave things like that to the grown-ups.”   But, that is another story.

Of course, I know his password, and I can log in at any time to check up on him, but I would never do that with out just cause and with out his knowing.   I don’t want to be that sneaky mom.  The stalker mom.   It is a matter of trust.

As he enters into his teen years, there will be many times when it will come down to a matter of trust.  My trust of him – and ultimately his trust of ME.   But, I like to think that as he has grown, neither of us has done anything that would prove to be UN-trustworthy.  I am trying to raise The Monkeys to have good heads on their shoulders.  I realize things might be very different the other two – especially the Girl Monkey… I envision her teenage years are going to be hell.  Somewhere in the back of her closet, she most likely already has the beginnings of a hand-made rope ladder for when she sneaks out at night to go hang out with her friends.  I can read that little girl like a book.

For now, I welcome my sweet boy to the world of blogging.  I fully trust he will find it as enjoyable an experience as mine.