It’s Date Night!

… with myself.

The Three Little Monkeys are at their dad’s tonight.  It was already past dinner time and I had absolutely no idea what to have.  Not much in the fridge.  Besides, that would mean I would have to cook, and while I do enjoy cooking – I didn’t feel like it.  I could go get something, except that MY CAR HAS BEEN AT THE DEALER FOR THREE WEEKS (another story).

It was then that I remembered that my favorite little Italian place has started delivering.  YAY!  HOORAY!  Soon, lasagna is on the way (oh, and a cannoli, just because I wanted one).

And THEN I remembered the half a bottle of wine tucked away in the fridge.  Even better!

So, here I sit.  Yummy, fresh from the oven lasagna and a glass of wine in front of me, Survivor on the TV, thoroughly enjoying my little date night.

Oh, sure.  Date night is usually a bit more enjoyable when you have someone with you (and at times even more so…), but there is something wonderful about just taking care of yourself.  Taking the time to just BE.  Not a single solitary other person for you to be concerned about.  It is good for the soul.

Now, my dears, if you will excuse me, I must depart.  My lasagna is getting cold.

Buon Appetito.

On the Next episode of Mythbusters…Happily Ever After.

Daily Prompt: Happily Ever After.

Once Upon a Dream…

“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

If The Disney Company ruled the world (which let’s face it – they nearly are), they would have us all believing that all we need is a fancy dress, a cute guy, and a little magic – we would all live happy little lives for the rest of our natural existence.

It’s a load of crap.

It is impossible to be happy every single moment of every single day.  And if you are – you SERIOUSLY need to have your Prozac levels checked, because I’m a thinkin’ you are on WAY too high of a dose!

 

 Life is rife with downs and ups.  Grief and joy.  Sadness and happiness.

Think of it as climbing a mountain.  Even after the arduous ascent, once you get there – to the promised land – to the mountain-  top – to the (insert your own idiom here), you HAVE TO GET BACK DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!

It is up to you, however, whether or not you stay stuck in the valley of despair.

So, to answer the question, “Are you living a happy life?”, the answer is no.  Not all the time.  Not every single moment of every single day.  Particularly not at this point in time in my life.  Things are down right blecky – about a lot of things.  However, I do not chose to let myself be stuck in the Sad Susie Swamp.  I chose to find my joy where I can find it, and I know that one day, the scale will move again and things will equal out.  And until then, I live my life the best I can.

So, as they say on Mythbusters:

BUSTED!

Undo the doubt

Daily Prompt: Undo.

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

There are so many things I could suggest.  All things Pokemon related (Good Lord!  I just cannot hear another word about them.  NOT ANOTHER ONE!).  Stompies (they are just FREAKY!).  Anything having to do with Carrot Top (Not funny.  Period).  Chocolate being fattening (that is just wickedly unfair).  But in the bigger picture, these things are simply annoying.  And while I can’t figure out the reason for their existence, there are others that really enjoy them – so, who am I to say they should be vanquished?

What then would I choose to un-invent?  Well, it’s not a tangible thing.  But, it has serious repercussions on every aspect of a person’s life.  I would choose for the feeling of self-doubt to have never been invented.  That state of feeling mired in indecision – or even after you have made a decision, DOUBTING the choice.

And no, I am not talking about doubting whether or not it is a good idea to dive off of a balcony into a pool while on Spring Break.  That’s just plain ol’ stupid.  I’m talking about the self-doubt that can consume you.  The feeling of self-doubt that can keep you from entering in to a new situation.  The feeling of self-doubt that tells you that you are not good enough to deserve anything better than what you have.  The feeling of self-doubt that eats at your SOUL.

It seems to me that the world would be a much happier place.  Strike that.  The world would be a much more CONTENT place.

I certainly know I would be.

A Plot of Earth

Daily Prompt: A Plot of Earth

You’re given a plot of land and have the financial resources to do what you please. What’s the plan?

Daily Prompt: A Plot of Earth.

“In my own little corner in my own little chair I can be whatever I want to be.
On the wings of my fancy I can fly anywhere and the world will open its arms to me.”

Such an interesting question.  The logical, Spockish, part of my brain is thinking, “I am missing a much-needed variable.  You have not indicated how much land I have been given or where this land is located.  Highly illogical.”  It could be a 1×1 foot plot, or it could be several miles squared.  Not having been given any other parameters, I will just let my mind envision my ideal space.

I was born and raised in South Florida.  I have watched land being purchased and built upon until there is very little resemblance to the landscape that originally brought people to the area.  Sand dunes were leveled out so that condos could rise like sentries guarding against the beauty of the ocean.  Blocking out all but the tiniest glimpses to all but those wealthy enough to “deserve” the location.

This summer my former love and I took a combined family vacation.  His two kiddos and my three monkeys.  A lovely condo, right on the beach.  On one of our outings, we drove to the Canaveral National Seashore.  In all my years living in Florida, I had never been.  It was like driving back in time.  Nothing but miles and miles of original Florida landscape.  I was moved to tears.   My senses were bombarded.  It was amazing, and just what my psyche had been demanding.

It may seem I have veered away from my original question, but trust me – I’m geting to it!  Be patient!

If I were given a plot of land, I would want it to be beach-front property, somewhere on the Atlantic coast of Florida.  But, the kicker is, I would want it to be untouched.  And I would leave it that way.  Call it a natural sanctuary.  Not just for the native flora and fauna, but for us lowly humans as well.  A place for soul-searching and soul-cleansing.  A place where I could BREATHE.  I would not be selfish, I would share.  BUT, I would limit the number of people each day.  After all, this isn’t about a place just to frolic at the beach.   It is to be a meditative place.

The one human element I would add, however, is a BATHROOM!  With a SHOWER!  Near enough that I don’t have to hike to get to it when the need arises.   I don’t care how much it costs, but I think having a civilized bathroom near the beach is a necessity.

Welcome to my own little corner of the world.

This year I resolve to….

As the old year dies and the new one is preparing to be born, countless of us ready ourselves for a sort of rebirth of our own…the dreaded NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION.  The very words bring dread into our hearts.  To make a resolution, we have to analyze ourselves, look at the negatives in our lives and determine which of our inadequacies we are willing to tackle.  It is exhausting.  Once we have determined our fatal flaw, we resolve to CHANGE it.  And we set about it with GUSTO!  This year will be different!  This year, I will SUCCEED!  Won’t I?

A recent study showed that only 75% of us make it a WEEK with our new resolution.  SEVEN DAYS?!?!?  Seriously?!?

By the end of January, gyms are empty, weight-loss classes have more empty seats than attendees, cabinets are once again filled with chocolate, and we all feel insanely guilty that once again we have failed.  We are failures.  How depressing.

Every year we go through the same process.  Over.  And over.  And over.  Repeatedly failing.  sigh

I know, by now you are asking yourself if I am making a New Year’s Resolution for 2013.  Actually, yes I am.

It’s a little different.  A little outside of the box.

Ready for it?

I hereby resolve that in 2013 I will be happy.

That’s it.  To be happy.  It’s a resolution that has an impact on every aspect of my life and one I am pretty sure I will be able to keep for longer than a week.

It really is deceptively simple.

Unhappy about being out of shape (again?!?)?  All I have to do is remind myself that being at the gym, and doing something about it makes me HAPPY.

Unhappy about a job situation?  I need to figure out what will make me HAPPY and then give myself the permission to do it – either in my current situation or in another one.

Unhappy about a relationship?  Well, then – what WILL make me happy?  Because certainly sitting around telling myself how UNHAPPY I am isn’t working.

Unhappy about the pile of crap by the door? Even putting one piece of it where it belongs will give me a feeling of happiness.

Chocolate makes me happy.  So, it gets to stay.  Especially sea salt dark chocolate.  However, eating a LOT of it at one sitting makes me UNHAPPY, so – moderation.

And if occasionally sitting in bed for the whole day reading will make me happy, then by God, I WILL and not feel one iota of guilt about it!

And above all, I will not – no…I MUST NOT, allow anyone to do anything that will cause me to make myself feel unhappy.  That doesn’t mean I have to make them unhappy in order to bring myself happiness.  That wouldn’t be fair of me.  Besides, guilt makes me unhappy.  Very unhappy.

“Does this make me happy?” will become my new mantra.  No matter where I am, or what I am doing.  Is this making me happy?  No?  Then STOP DOING IT!

It almost sounds too easy.   I think it will be more challenging than I expect.  There will be times when in order to ensure my happiness, I will cause discomfort or even anger in those around me.  And THAT causes me to feel unhappy.  But, but acquiescing  causes me to feel even more unhappy.  There will be times I will have to stick to my guns and persevere.  Which is much easier said than done.

And there will be times when even acknowledging my unhappiness will be uncomfortable.  I remember at the end of my marriage looking at my dear ex-husband and saying, “Don’t we deserve to be happy?” It was a heart-wrenching question.  And we had to admit that yes, we were unhappy – and even more importantly, yes…we deserved happiness.  Not that the happiness would be immediate.  We just knew that what we were doing wasn’t bringing happiness, to anyone, and by doing something else we would be on a path to happiness.

Yes, the path to happiness can be a winding one, but it is a path none-the-less.

So, here’s to 2013.  May it be a year of happiness.  For everyone.

Grief…It’s a Sneaky Little Bastard

About four weeks ago, the man I had been dating and I decided to stop seeing one another.  Not necessarily because we wanted to, but because it was what we felt we had to do.  We had been together six months, and because of forces outside of our control, it became too, well – complicated.  So, in order to protect everyone’s sanity, we parted.  Amicably, but still – we ended what we had and have moved on to another phase in our lives.  Not exactly the outcome we expected.

The relationship feels as if it hadn’t truly run its course.  Like Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony, an abrupt ending to something lovely.

It is sad.  And I grieve.  Not all the time.  Not everyday.  But, that grief – it’s a sneaky little bastard.  Just when you think you have it under control – it comes and smacks you in the head.

Put the event that caused the grief in perspective.  Lost a pencil?  Don’t let it get to you!  Is it a GOLDEN pencil?  No?  Get over it!  There are more where it came from.  Take a breath.

Acknowledge the event that caused the grief.  When we have experienced a loss, we want to do anything possible to NOT think about it.  We avoid everything that might have us think about the event.  Because grief HURTS and we are hard-wired to flee from pain – physical and emotional pain.  But, by avoiding it, we never truly deal with the pain, we’ve just bottled it up – and that sneaky bastard grief can come back and slap you in the head again.

When the grief returns, feel it – then release it.  Let the grief wash over you.  Feel the pain.  Analyze what caused the flood of emotion.  Then, breathe and release it.  Release it into the  world, into the heavens, to a higher power – whatever.  Just let it go.  Give yourself the permission to feel it, then let it go.

Don’t feel guilty about releasing it.   When we experience a loss, without realizing we are even doing it, we set a “deadline” for how long we will grieve.  Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and set a deadline WAY far away.  Then, when we start to feel better, when the grief is no longer palpable and we stop thinking about it EVERY WAKING HOUR – we feel guilty.  Guilty for not feeling the pain.  We say, “Wait a minute!  It’s only been fill in the blank number for your time!  I should still be feeling pain!”  And we begin obsessively telling ourselves over and over again to remember you are grieving.  I experienced this when my grandfather died.  I was devastated.  For several years on the anniversary of his death, I would spend the day reminding myself.  Then one year – I forgot.  Two days later, it occurred to me and I was filled with so much GUILT.  I cried for three days. I had released the grief, without even realizing it, and then punished myself for having done so.

I can’t change the fact that my relationship ended.  That is a reality.  I can’t stop the pain from coming.  But, I am going to acknowledge it – then I am going to release it.  And then realize that everything is going to be ok.

And keep that sneaky bastard – debilitating grief – from slapping me in the head.